I hate being a disappointment. I hate walking into a room and knowing that i was. that people are surprised when i have backed down but at the same time knew i didn't do much with what i had anyway.
and i get so angry and upset with the possibility that plays in my mind that that is what they are thinking. at the same time though, i only become insecure about the thought because i have thought it myself.
i have such high expectations that pretty much boil down to living a childhood and a lifetime of knowing that no matter what i did , no matter how hard i tried, or what reason there was for not living up to expectations, it was just an excuse ...and i wasn't good enough. i guess that's why i am so stubborn...and when i know ive disappointed myself or have the possibility of disappointing others, i don't know when to back down or give up.
but really in this case....i wish you would understand what i was going through and what exactly has run through my head since day one. you would understand my passion and will.
i hate that you are so closed minded about this ...i hate that you react instead of thinking....
...but maybe you are reacting because maybe in some way you have failed too....